COMING HOME by Troy Kechely, copyright 2001The light was like nothing I had seen before. Not the harsh yellow wave lengths that travel the five minutes through space only to be defused and dirtied by the air surrounding the earth. Though overwhelming to my senses, it was soft in many respects. Pure is the best word to describe such a thing. Pure, virgin, unblemished white light that revealed absolutely everything. That is if there was anything to reveal. It was as though I was blind, not in darkness but in light. I seemed to stand alone, grasping as I could at what was happening. I remembered only the last brief moments. The sound of one of the nurses and the cold, semi-transparent plastic panel that covered the fluorescent lights of my hospital room. Then nothing. Only the light. No tunnels, angels or devils. Just light. I could feel myself standing, on what I could not see. For absent from what I surveyed were shadows. The lack of contrast eliminated all sense of depth. As I became more aware of what was around me I found that there was indeed contrast but only now becoming evident to me. As if my eyes had been overwhelmed by the light and slowly becoming adjusted. I became more aware of not only my surrounding but myself as well. I looked at what should be my hand only to see nothing. Not the ghost like image portrayed in C.S. Lewis' account of heaven. Nor the image of skin which I expected. Rather there was nothing to see, though I was fully aware that an appendage was there; or at least supposed to be. I struggled to comprehend things when I heard a voice. "Welcome. We have been expecting you." From the light that was now revealing a path of smooth stone came a figure. That of a man. The same light that was only now becoming tolerable to my vision radiated from the figure approaching me. "Where am I?" My faith had been strong on earth but I felt it only prudent to ask. "You are where all go at the end of their time there. You have to stand before Him." "Him?" My voice more filled with hesitation than anything else. "Yes Him. All have to stand before Him. It was written." I refrained from asking more for I knew in my heart of what he spoke. Even with the light so soft and pure I felt fear well within me. Him could only mean God. To stand before Him, t o be judged. The figure motioned for me to follow. It must have sensed my hesitation to proceed. "Do not worry, we all have had to stand before Him. It will be all right. You will see." "You don't understand. You don't know what I have done." He turned and I was able to see details of his face that I had been unable to see earlier. He smiled at me. "No, but He does. We all will soon enough. Please, follow me. It will be ok, I promise you." It was as he spoke that he became more clear in my vision, my eyes becoming more acclimated to the light. "I know you...don't I?" "You do." He turned smiling and began to walk away. I moved to catch up. My thoughts not on standing before God but now curious on who my escort was. "Tell me please, who are you?" \line "You would not know my name." "But you said I knew you. How would I not know your name?" The path turned down a hill, which I now saw had trees of all shapes and sizes covering it. "Knowledge of others is not as you know it. You know me because of how I know you." "I don't understand. How do you know me?" The hills now turned into mountains that climbed to what seemed to be a radiant sky of crystal. I did not feel labored as we walked but rather felt more energized as we climbed. "You did something once that effected me while I was down there. It resulted in me seeking out Him. He found me and now I am here. But do not ponder on such matters. It will all be clear to you soon. I must warn you though. We are coming closer to Him. If you hold on to anything of the world let go of it now for it cannot enter where we are going." "Something of the world? What could I have of the world? From what I see I don't even have a body." The man smiled at me. Nodded his head and kept walking up the path. After what seemed like hours I saw through clouds that gently floated among the mountain peaks the buildings of a massive city. Not like the cities I knew of, but one that could only be envisioned in a dream. Massive pillars adorned the sides of stone walls, gleaming brillian tly in the light that filled the land. My heart lifted at the site of it. It was then that from the corner of my eye that I saw movement. I turned to see a dog walking along the path. Not just a dog but a Rottweiler. I smiled at seeing the breed I loved so dear. I stopped and began to call but hesitated. Something inside telling me not to. The dog bounced up near the path and bowed down, its stub tail wiggling wildly. It let out a bark, one of excitement, expressing its desire to play. It jumped up and ran a short way down the path. Wanting me to chase it and play. I thought on the words of my escort and then turned to follow him, leaving the dog behind. The dogs bark changed in pitch and I stopped instantly. "What is wrong?" The man had turned and was looking at me. "I know that bark." I did not turn to look at the dog but kept facing up the path. Its bark ringing in my ears. "It is familiar to you?" "Yes, it is my dog. She would make the same bark when I would have to leave her someplace. She hated being away from me." With every bark the urge to turn and go to the dog grew. "If you know it, then why not go to her?" My chest ached with emotion as I felt a tear form in my eye. "Because, she died many years ago. It can't be her. Besides, you said I need to stand before Him. So that is what I must do. Right?" My heart twisted in torment with each word I spoke. "That is for you to decide." The barks grew louder and more upsetting to me. "Please, lead on." "As you wish." The man moved up the path and with great heaviness in my heart I followed him. The barking growing fainter as we went. After many minutes I asked my companion. "I thought that here there was to be no sadness. If that is so, then why do I feel as though I have abandoned my dearest friend? " The man stopped and turned to me. He put his hand on my shoulder which I saw actually had form but only by the area he touched. The rest of me remaining invisible. "You haven't stood before Him yet. Only after that will your sadness end. I promise you. It will be all right after things to come. You must know this. You made the right decision. Even here, on the way to see him, you will be tempted to go the other way. Many have followed their tempter down the path. Sometimes it is their own family members or things they loved in the world. Yet the path to Him is up the mountains. Not down. Come, He is expecting us." We journeyed on and soon entered the city I had seen from the distance before the encounter with the dog. Everywhere there were people like my escort. All bidding us welcome, their smiles radiant as their bodies. Traveling deeper into the city we came to a large central structure. Larger than any building I had ever seen. At first it reminded me of drawings I had seen of the old Jewish temple o f Jesus' time but it was so much larger. Overwhelming in shear size. Its walls towering above all the other buildings in the city. Before us stood a flight of stone stairs, each one made of one stone that spanned the width of the entry and placed with suc h precision that it looked seamless. As my eyes followed the stairs upward I saw the pillars that guarded the entrance. Two large doors with what appeared to be large columns of flame on each side.. My companion turned to me, his ever present smile beaming all the more brightly. "We are here. He is expecting you." His arm motioning to the doors at the top of the stairs. "Are you not coming with me?" Hoping that I would have someone for reassurance. "No, you must do this alone. Go, He is waiting for you. " With tinges of fear I began to climb the steps, noticing that they were marble. Made with a smoothness like nothing I had seen. Stretching on either side of me for a hundred feet. With each step I grew more concerned. My thoughts dwelling on all that I had done wrong in my life. At the top of the stairs I saw that the doors were also of stone, larger than a normal building themselves. The sound of the flame columns was piercing to me as I stood there. They seemed to be alive, watching me as their tongues of fire flicked upward. I could see no hinges on the doors and took a startled step back as they began to open. The light that shown through the door was astonishing. I raised my arms to protect my eyes but their transparent nature proved of little benef it. "Enter!" The voice was staggering in authority, shuttering as it pierced me. I took a step forward though uncertain of where I was walking. The light over powering as it was. I hesitated. "I cannot see." "Enter!" The voice more intense than before. Unable to see where I was going I took one slow step after another. I walked for what seemed to be an eternity. Fearfully moving forward yet feeling as though I was being guided. My foot being placed precisely by something inside me but not of me. I stopped only when my foot bumped an object. I was about to step up when the voice once again bellowed out to me. "Stop." It was at that moment that the light diminished. But only enough to allow me to see where I stood. Before me was revealed a room filled with people, many I had seen while entering the city. Their radiance filling the room but diminished by a magnificent source of illumination directly in front of me.I looked around and saw that the path I had walked was beam of stone. Barely two feet across and spanning a great chasm. The depth of which I could not see. Where I stood now was a square platform of stone. The beam I had walked upon the only way off. I looked down around me realizing how fortunate I was that I had not strayed during my walk down the beam. Without railing or barriers a misstep would have sent me into the emptiness below. I knew now I stood in judgement. I had always wondered what I would do at this moment. Recalling my belief I stood tall and true, confident in my belonging in Heaven. Then the light before me grew. "Behold!" Before me the room filled with images of my life. Not only those that occurred but also the images from my dreams and thoughts. I stood in shock at what I saw. Every action, every deed, every sinful aspect of my life was now revealed before me and all in the room. Each vile, disgusting image that played out before me eroded my confidence that I belonged in Heaven. I found myself sinking lower with every wretched display. My hands shaking as they grasped at one a nother in shame and frustration. Finally it was over. All that remained was silence and the ever present light. I found myself on my knees, cowering at the realization of my life and how much of it was so vile even to me. I shook uncontrollably, a sob escaping from my lips. "Speak!" The voice so powerful caused me to cringe as a child does when caught by a parent while in the act of disobedience. I stood as best I could, finding my knees weak with fear. I struggled to find words. What could I say to God to explain what had been shown. I thought of the things that could be considered good to counter the sins revealed but realized that they were nothing when compared to the evils I had done. I felt total desperation, certain to be doomed. I grasped at any thought in my mind. All I could think of was a Bible passage. The one where Peter walked on the water to Jesus but started sinking and called to him for help. How a pastor once said that what Peter cried out was the shortest prayer in the Bible. It was all I had. I bowed my head and with barely a whisper. "Jesus help." I found myself standing at the foot of the steps, my companion once more at my side. I looked at him, the look of confusion clear on my face. "I told you it would be okay." "I don't understand. What happened?" "You are here." He pointed to my body and I looked down to see that indeed I was there. I could clearly make out my limbs and torso, a light dimly radiating from me. I looked back at him and smiled but also still a bit confused by all that had happened. "I still don't understand, but I am glad that I at least appear to be here." "You are here. Your light will grow more as you get closer to Him. Down there you were restricted in your growth by sin but up here there is no restriction. You will see. The early ones are with Him, they are more radiant than I. You will meet them soon enough. Come, I have much to show you." We began to walk, my guide showing me the wonders and inhabitants of the city. "Sir, you have been with me since my arrival but I only just now realized that I don't know your name." "My name is Brad. I never met you but I saw the Christmas cards you made. My aunt had several of them and showed them to me every year. She spoke highly of them, saying how she looked forward to them and that you made them every year for your family. After she died I felt that I should keep them as a memento of her. It was one of those cards that He used to reach me. In the card was a poem. I can't recite it now but it was at a time in m y life where things were very bleak. It spoke of the savior and his birth, death and the life he offered. Well, to shorten the story, it resulted in me coming to know the Lord. That is why I asked to be your guide when you arrived." I was stunned. I remembered doing the cards and then stopping. I hadn't done one for over 20 years before my arrival. It was a thing I had done as a young Christian but I didn't think it had any impact on anyone's life. "You asked to be my guide then? I wondered about that and why no one from my family had been there. They are here aren't they?" "Yes, some of them." "Some of them?" "Yes, sadly, even on the judgement platform, some will forsake that which the savior has offered them. You , thankfully, did not." "Who among my family and friends are here then?" "You will see, come, we are going to meet them soon enough. Also, He has a gift for you." "He? God? What gift could he possibly give me above that which he already has?" "Come, you will see, you have all eternity to find out such answers." As we walked I saw more and more people I recognized. Not in the sense that their physical features were identifiable, but rather their essence. I just knew them. Yet I found that I as I walked I began to know everyone. As if it was a large family reunion where everyone knew everyone. I saw also that as we traveled down the many roads that the light in me grew. Soon I met more people, family and friends whom had passed away yet now shown bright with love's pure light. All expressed joy at my arrival and spoke of how they had waited for me. They showed me around, my companion still with me. I tired to measure the time spent with them but it was impossible. It seemed like days but when I asked my guide he just smiled as always. "Time does not exist here. Do not try to measure something that does not exist. You will get used to it soon enough. You are still thinking linearly. But that will soon pass. Come now, there is someone that is waiting for you. He will take you to your gift." "Who am I meeting?" I trotted to catch up with Brad as I waved goodbye to my family knowing I will be seeing them again soon. "You will see. He has something to show you. As well as your gift." "For being a guide you sure don't answer very many questions." He smiled and let out a laugh. We left the city and walked along a golden path, different from the one I came to the city on. It lay among hills covered with green grass. We stopped at the base of a hill and on it I could see a figure. My guide pointed to him. "Go, he is waiting to see you." "He? Please, tell me who it is." "The Lord of course." He smiled and once again pointed to the hill. Without fear I walked up the hill to the man. I glanced back to see if my guide was there but saw that he had returned to the city. Upon reaching the top of the knoll I could see that the man's back was to me. I approached but stopped just behind him. "Lord, my friend said you are expecting me." "I have for an eternity my child. Do you recall a dream you had soon after accepting me? In that dream you saw me crucified, you were at my feet as I hung on the cross. Do you remember?" My mind swirled as the memory of that dream flooded it. So powerful was the dream that it influenced all my life. Even leading me to write my first novel. "Yes Lord, I remember." "Do you remember looking at my feet and looking upward to my head, how my hair covered my face. How you then woke up and cried out how you were not worthy to see my face?" My head was bowed as the dream replayed itself in my mind. "Yes Lord." "My child, I have made you worthy. Behold." Jesus turned to me his radiance becoming like that of the room where I stood in judgement. In the light so blinding a face was revealed to me. The face he had while on earth. The one that saw and endured the torment, humiliation and finally death that all man suffered. The face of God made man. I fell to my knees, fearful to look upon it. My eyes clenched shut. "Rise my child, you are here with Me now and all my children can look upon Me." With tears of joy I looked at him. "I don't know what to say Lord." My trembling hand holding his. He smiled gently at me and motioned with his hand towards the trees that lined the hillside. "Your gift." From the trees came rottweilers, not one or two but hundreds. Running wildly towards me, their teeth gleaming white, ears flopping as their massive bodies moved quickly towards me. I turned to Jesus in wonder. "I don't understand Lord. I thought that I had to let go of the world. That animals would not be here." "No, the dog on the path was the tempter. You did let go of the world, you are here now. Here you will be given your hearts greatest desire. Which is why you saw Me first. For I know that your hearts desire is to see Me. Now I give you what I know you loved. I gave you the gift to love my creation like few others could. You knew it was from Me and that they were mine to give and take. For that devotion I give them back to you. The dogs now crowded around us, each vying for affection. "My dear Taz and Mickey. Griz my boy." The dog let out a barkish howl at my words to him. "But there are so many, I know I didn't own this many." My laughter echoing as I petted each one I could. "I recognize many of these dogs. Lord, can it be?" Jesus smiled at me. "Yes, it is them." Along with the dogs I had cared for, were all the dogs I had rescued over the years. Bo, Moose, Thor, Bear, Brodie, Adonis, Queen, Rascal, and so many others. Hundreds, their toothy smiles surrounding their pink tongues that panted softly in the cool air. From a distance I heard a bark. All the dogs stopped and turned, their ears perked at the new sound. Their focus was on a hill in the distance. I turned and looked. Upon it stood more than a dozen Rottweilers. "Lord, why are those dogs over there?" "Those are the ones you never saw." I turned to Jesus. "I don't understand." "The ones that you lost sleep over because they were in shelters you could not reach and were to be put down. The ones that you searched for in a blizzard but never found. The ones that you heard of being severely abused and neglected but were not close enough to help. They are the ones you never saw but asked me to protect. I have answered your prayers, though you could not save them. I did." Once more a tear rolled down my face. Not of sadness but of wonder and amazement. "Thank you Lord. Tell me, why do they stay over there?" "You need to call them. They have waited for a long time for your arrival but unlike the ones who knew you, they need to hear yo ur voice. The need to hear the love I gave you for them." I stepped away from the dogs with us and looked that the ones in the distance. In an instant each of their names was given to me in my mind. One by one I called them to me, each running with excite ment at hearing my voice. I hugged each one, knowing that what love I had was from the Lord. "You may visit them whenever you like. You have much to see still. Things you prayed I would show you when you arrived. Do not worry about them. They will never be lonely here and there are many others like you who come and play with them. You will see that all of my creation that chooses me comes here. Reborn and new. Free from sin. For now enjoy, you are home my child." Reflection: In writing this I did not at tempt to tell others what Heaven is or what will happen if they get there. For this I will leave up to Scripture. My meaning for this was personal. A release and confession of what I know to be an issue in my life. How I have allowed my love of Rottweiler s to interfere with my walk with Jesus. It is my prayer that I will never forget that which Jesus has done for me and that nothing clouds my image of Him or leads me down a path away from Him. I started this story in my mind in January 2001 and built on it slowly but always keeping it in my mind and not daring to put it on paper. It was only after reading C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce that I was motivated to write of the images and emotions that filled my mind on a nightly basis. No, it was not visions from God. Just my imagination, a gift from God, doing what it does best. Creating things that, with all my hope, glorify God when put into final form. I hope that this story was not enjoyed but rather evoked a desire to grow closer to God. Knowing that we all w ill stand before Him in the end. How we go prepared for that is left up to each person. God will not violate our free will. That, in itself, shows His great love for us. Allowing us to choose not to be with Him, forsaking the gift of salvation offered by His Son who died for us, and rather living in eternity apart from Him.